Out there.

It means accepting what I don’t have, because that is what I’ve always known, all my life. There are days I used to panic because of how unaware I was of certain things my agemates were pros in. Adulting especially. Its like applying make up. I never panicked because of this. But I did panic

To see love for what it is..

Loving you is a like taking a knife and stabbing myself with it. There is a tingling feeling that comes with it. A sourness like taking too many tamarinds. The kind of taste that leaves the mouth craving for more and more. Its not sweet. But whatever it is, is addictive. Its looking into your

Decomposed pain.

I would tell you to think about it then. To allow the pain to sear through you. To sit through the whole process though its as uncomfortable as hell. To waddle through the moment awkwardly. But please, just go through it. Just allow the moment to transform you. To hurt you. For you can get

For my mother.

If I’m entirely vulnerable with myself at this point, then i’ll admit that the last two weeks have been hell. That tears that were once strangers to my eyes have become those cousins that come to live with you till you become sisters. That I haven’t slept well except for one day. That I sleep

Experientially

I’ve been watching some really badly scripted series. Partly due to a bad mood which a series cant cure. But mostly due to some lady whom i can relate to there. Everything seems to go wrong with her life. Everyone seems to fail her. Yet she rises. Someone believed in me today. Just when i

Issues.

I feel like I’m recuperating. Like my soul has been so sick for so long. It hit its deathbed but it didn’t die. And now we are going through the whole ICU phase after a coma. That actually pretty sums it up. My soul is in the ICU. Recovering. I just wish healing didn’t have

This is how you travel with sadness.

I would love to tell you about that pain. But I won’t. Because how do I describe pain that makes one feel like their whole being is in a torture chamber? But not exactly? Like the soul aches so much that one wishes that they would have a physical injury to reduce it. How do

Talking..of nothing really.

Sometimes differentiating what is real and what’s in the mind is really difficult. Second guessing they call it. Wondering, ” is it in my mind or is this real?”. Am I justified to come to this conclusion or am I jumping ahead of the gun?  And other times, knowing the answer is actually worse. Not

You broke me

You are a blessing to say the least. You loved me first before anyone else. Sometimes I think you care far more than other mothers. I once had a roommate who could not get how I talk to you every single day. And yet i’m a grown woman with two decades to show for. You