me and myself – Page 3

To have and to hold.

To have and to hold. You know, once upon a time, I wanted to get married. To a man( or a person of the male gender). And get children. Just let that sink in. That there was once upon a time when I had bought into the notion that somehow, I , Mercy Mwende, couldContinue reading “To have and to hold.”

Turning point ( Goodbye 24, welcome 25)

This feels a lot like a handing over program. But to be more precise it feels like a wedding. With the 24 year old me walking down the aisle, and the 25 year old me waiting on the other end. And like the deeply emotional moment it is, I’ve been avoiding this moment. Because thereContinue reading “Turning point ( Goodbye 24, welcome 25)”

On the way.

I’m listening to a Marcus Warner ‘song’. If elephants could fly. And its quite fitting, isn’t it? Because right now, i’m that elephant that is flying. Had you told me last week, that a time like now, my heart would be in such peace, such clarity, such a mood, I would have thought you aContinue reading “On the way.”

Surge of hope

Its raining outside. The kind of January rain that I’ve never seen before here. And I’ve just been waiting for it to end. Because I want to wear my dresses without coats. But like everything else in my life, it chooses its own path. I’m listening to this guy with this voice. I’ve been tryingContinue reading “Surge of hope”

Finally, a cactus!

I don’t remember the last time I was this elated about something. You know when you just can’t keep calm. Or quiet. Its just itching to get out. Like I want to shout on a mountain top kind of thing. So I finally got a cactus! Okay, didn’t ‘get’ it necessarily, someone got me aContinue reading “Finally, a cactus!”

Good kind of tired.

It has just occurred to me a few seconds ago, that I am tired. Wow. I didn’t expect tiredness to feel like this. Not emotional tiredness, though there is that too, but like a burn out. You see, the only familiar tiredness is the emotional breakdown one. The one where things become so overwhelming thatContinue reading “Good kind of tired.”

Within a week

I’ll miss Trevor. But at first, I hated him. Or disliked, since people say hate is such a strong word. Weird how so much can only happen in a week, right? Like you can discover your whole life with a certain person has been a lie. Or have your eyes opened to things you didn’tContinue reading “Within a week”

Back to me.

I need to return myself back to me. To recover the pieces that I have so generously shared with the world, and in its usual unmerciful self, it gave me nothing in return. Mostly gave me nothing. And since the world abhors vacuums, the emptiness was quickly filled in with tears and anguish. I needContinue reading “Back to me.”

Those precious little words

Its not okay. Those words were said to me by a tipsy woman. And she kept on repeating them. As if there was something more in them that i wasn’t getting. And there was. Because in my life, normalizing not so okay situations has been the norm. And up until then, i hadn’t noticed it.Continue reading “Those precious little words”

Bright light to guide me home.

Bright light to guide me home. Another line in one of the songs sang by this human(Haevn). And as I listened to it, I wondered, is there really a bright light to guide me home? What happens when you find yourself crying because of crying too much? Like how absolutely crazy can life get toContinue reading “Bright light to guide me home.”