Its hard to describe this book. But if I get the kind of audience it targets, its way easy. Well, technically speaking it targets everyone. 

We all need to heal. All of us. None of us was raised in a perfect home, and if you were raised in a good home then certainly you got a bad environment if our society is anything to go by. And we behave as per our nature and how we are nurtured. You can’t be raised in a corrupt environment and get out of it unscathed. 

But few people get to heal. To heal means to sit down and ask yourself, why do I behave the way I do? Why do some things keep on repeating themselves in my life? Why do I attract these kind of people and friends in my life? Why do all my jobs end the same way? Why are my relationships this way? What am I looking for in life? From life? And from the people I interact with. 

And my God isn’t it a hard process!? Imagine if you grew up understanding that to love or to be loved means to be hurt physically. You saw that with your mother who saw it with her mother. You experienced it from your father who saw it from his father and all his friends. How do you then stop that cycle from continuing to happen in your life? Coz unless otherwise that same pattern will play out in your life. Even after countless prayers and fasts to break that cycle and ancestral curses in your life. Unless your subconscious gets another belief system- even when your mind understands that this isn’t right, your inner person doesn’t. Not even new year goals or discipline will sort it out. 

And that is what this book is about- Healing. The way you have to peel the parts of you that hurt. Heal. Then peel again that different corner and heal. And peel again deeper what you thought you had healed, release the hurt and heal again. Its a whole cycle that brings out a more wholesome you each and every time. It takes years to release things you acquired over a lifetime. But the day you stop growing, you start dying. 

And Iyanla Vanzant captures that so perfectly by telling her story. And I loved how she doesn’t give any advice on what you are supposed to do or not do. She just tells her story. You learn from it. I loved how she didn’t let her spirituality seep into all her words. She’s a deeply spiritual person, but for the first time I’ve read a book from a deeply spiritual person who doesn’t try and influence your own spirituality. She let’s you be. 

In case you are on a healing journey..this gem will be of immense help. It reminds us that we are not alone. 


Lessons from my journey

There are things I know now that I wish I believed in an year or so ago. Things I knew but they hadn’t sunk into my heart. And right now, they have made all the difference in my life

1. Spiritual okayness isn’t a synonym to emotional wellbeing. 

I think its coz of always being told that if you do God’s business He will do yours, that I assumed that if I served God well, and was okay with Him, then my life was sorted. Or maybe it’s because they told us that God was going to make everything better for those of us in His kingdom. Or maybe it was because we were told to seek his kingdom first and everything else shall follow. 

All I know, is that I did all the above, my spiritual life grew in leaps and bounds, NY spiritual man matured, I spoke to God and we communicated, I prayed first thing I woke up, God kept on speaking to me through various things during the day and I winded up my day with him, yet by the end of the day, I was severely depressed and in need of urgent help or things would turn ugly pretty fast. 

Sharon tried for months to show me the above, but it just wasn’t sinking in. But I learnt the hard way. 

Spirituality and emotional wellbeing are very different. I have my spiritual side and my emotional man that requires attention. Whereas my spiritual man can be fed by scriptures, prayers and fellowship, my emotional side requires a fully fledged relationship with myself. 

I realised I had neglected myself for too long. I was doing so badly that not even I could help myself. I needed help. Which leads to my second lesson. 

2. Therapy isn’t anything you ever imagine it is. 

I had always toyed around with the idea of seeing a counsellor. But in my head I was scared of so many things. I thought people who go for therapy must have undergone some traumatic one off event which they couldn’t move past. 

But now, I recommend everyone for therapy. As long as you don’t have your shit together, see one. Of all monetary investments you will ever make, that will be the most profitable. 

3. You are unique. You are special.

I spent most of my campus days trying to tone myself down to fit in. Trying my best not to stand out. Trying not to be weird. I don’t think I succeeded ( after all that effort, hehe), but now I know better. 

There is no one like me. No one with my personality, flaws, strengths and weaknesses and passions. Meaning if I ever find myself being similar to someone, something is wrong somewhere. 

But above that, its pretty amazing being in my own skin comfortably. I have no one whom i’m competing with. No one i’m comparing myself against. Accepting and understanding that i’m unique has opened me up to so much internal peace and comfortability.

3. Just because my past was hard doesn’t mean my present or future are

I’ve lived my life always ready for the next bad thing. And they came. Its like I was in this black hole that just kept on spiraling downwards. When you grow up in an emotionally unstable family, you kinda get used to the uncertainty of times ahead and the certainty of turbulent things happening suddenly. 

But I have come to realise that life is beautiful. Life can be savoured, it can be sweet. It can enjoyed. It can be pleasurable. Life isn’t all tears. Its taken me a while to stop expecting bad things all the time. To stop being perpetually sad. To learn positivism. 

4. Friends are precious

Inside there, I was always a loner. Afraid of letting anyone in. I had built walls so high that they defined me. I was a shell. To the outside I only showed the basic minimal. I tried to shrink myself at any given time so as to avoid anyone poking holes. 

Until I let people in. And there is nothing more stimulating than a good conversation. Good conversations are heart to heart talks that require vulnerability. Nothing beats the feeling and side effects of being vulnerable with someone equally vulnerable to you. It makes it okay to be you. You voice all those thoughts you were too afraid to let out. 

Friends are precious. Whether 1 or 2, or ten, the value they add to my life isn’t measurable. Let people in, you’ll be better for it. 

5. Take risks with yourself

I’ve learnt that to truly know oneself is a never ending journey. Don’t limit yourself to what you think you know about yourself. Those people going on a group trip and its not your thing, jump right in, if it isn’t what you like- you’ll now be backed up by experience, or surprisingly, you might end up enjoying things you didn’t know you liked. 

Just don’t limit yourself to the Mercy who loves 1,2,3 and that’s all. Take leaps of faith. You’ll fail alot of times. But you’ll have made long lasting memories. Which leads to the last lesson of the day-

6. Want things , want life

Sounds weird? Don’t settle for anything. I don’t mean goals, dreams and all things big. I mean the kawaida everyday stuff. Desire things. Let the desire to see the stars at night drive you up the roof to see them. Take a different route. Watch the sunset. Brew coffee. Make eggs the way you like then. Miss Korean chicken. Read books till you find the one that makes you want to read more. Dye your hair. Sing hymns in Kamba even though you only know 2 lines. Just want life. Don’t just live, want to live. 


Today I tried swimming against the ocean’s waves. You see, they were taking me to the opposite side from where my people were seated at the beach. And the last time I was in the ocean and followed the way of the waves, I found myself brushing shoulders with death( stories for another day though). So this time I was cautious. Don’t swim to far from where I’m familiar with. 

But swimming against the waves, though necessary at times, is hard work. You are practically going against nature. Each four strokes forward is in essence two after the waves pull you back. So finally you do get where you are going, but the journey was unpleasant to say the least. 

I figured a way to actually swim comfortably with the waves. And immediately you could feel the relief my body felt. Swimming alongside the waves had its technicalities too, but I could let go knowing that the waters will take me to the beach anyway. I could rely on the waves to do the actual swimming for me while I just floated. 

And as I looked at the waves, I realized that my life can be squarely described by the above scenario. I’ve tried swimming against the waves in almost everything in my life. The end goal were things I thought I should have achieved or gotten by now. Things my agemates were doing. Things my parents drew my attention to when they looked at their peer’s kids who are my age. 

While the waves are my life. Which I rarely understand. Its like me and my life are never on the same page. I start working for A, life offers me P. And should I insist on getting the A no matter what, I find myself struggling times two or three the required effort. 

Its hard to take a break and realize that life is never that serious. So what if I hit 30yrs of age without achieving the dreams I have? Will I die? What if I start at 40yrs? Will that be too late? What if what my peers are achieving now, I end up achieving in 10yrs time, will that make me a useless fellow? What if I end up living my dreams at 70yrs , will it be less worthwhile than at 23yrs? 

No. Its okay. And I’m giving myself permission to swim alongside the waves of my life. They are certainly not what I expected, not what I prayed for, not what I wished for, but they are here. And my life is mine. So I’m extending kindness to myself. That though I swam against the waves and got heavily bruised in the process of moving against wherever that is my life is taking me, its okay. 

I pick up myself, close my eyes, and float blissfully to where life takes me. I don’t know where and neither do I have control over it, but I’ve tried going against the unknown, I’ve tried going for what I thought was best for me, and though there have been one good thing or two, it has been an uphill task. So i’ll let my life be. And extend to myself grace while at it. 

I’ve come to realize that sometimes in the middle of nothing, life offers me things I desired. When this year started, like almost the whole world, I penned down my wishes. They seemed mostly impossible given my life circumstances as of now. And they didn’t necessarily belong to 2018. Just when life offers me the opportunity. And so it has been a pleasant surprise when two or three of those dreams I desired came to pass in the middle of the most unlikely circumstances. Sometimes what we want comes wrapped in ways we can’t recognize. 

But above that, life has offered me people or things I didn’t think I needed, but were totally necessary for this period of my life. 

I think the above just shows that either way, if I let my life waves take me to wherever it is we are going, its not the end of me or dreams. And on top of that, its the addition of things I didn’t ask for but I needed. The waves provide a force that pushes me steps ahead. No one asks for that. It just happens. 

I need a wife. 

They said,

My son,

The work is too much for you-

You need a wife

One who cooks, does laundry and irons for you

One who saves for you,

Advises you on the correct investments,

Gives you money to start a business when you get fired,

Takes loans for you in her name,

Prays for you,

And forgives you when when you cheat. 
Well, I looked at their sons around, 

Their baby-like dependency on another human being,

And thought-

Wouldn’t it be lovely to also have a wife? 

But not a businesswoman and a house help mixed together,

 A wife who is wowed by the lunar eclipse as I am,

Who we’ll travel over mountains and valleys just to see another beach like the one at home

Who we’ll exchange cars as well as we exchange ideas,

Who we’ll drag each other to a dispensary after being tear gassed demonstrating against the government,

Whose body belongs to her- but sharing is highly encouraged, 

Whose mind makes mine looks less insane,

Whose humor is darker than mine, 

Whose ideals we share,

Wouldn’t that just be lovely?
They told their son that he needs a wife, 

I looked at their son- 

At whatever he’s proudly bringing to the table- 

An empty table is all he brings-

And whatever he’s asking to be brought to his table

Everything on earth a human can be and carry-

And I thought, with all this that I have – 

It would be a waste to bring it to their son’s empty table

But it would be a worse tragedy for the woman their son exchanges his emptiness for wholeness with,

So why not do the world a favor,

And marry a wife? 

So see- I need a wife. 


I’m turning 23. There are so many things running through my head about this age. Its one that I admired from afar. In my head a 21yr old is still a kid. A 22yr old is almost ready for the real adulting. While at 23 , one begins to seriously adult. 

During my previous birthdays, it was more about the milestones I’ve made and how far I’ve come. At 20, I couldn’t believe I was no longer a teenager. That I was finally in my twenties. I was elated in a childish manner( hehe). At 21, I was just there. Overburdened by life. At 22, I was surviving. I was more glad to be alive because I knew how bad it can get. 

But at 23, my thoughts are focused on the future. On the promise it holds. The opportunities. The surprises waiting for me. The woman I’m growing into. 

When I think of age 23, one word comes to mind; Mistakes. I think of it as that age when one doesn’t know what the future holds. Where one falls, fails, falls and fails again. Its at that age when you are no longer a kid- meaning if anything goes wrong in your life, its entirely upto you. 

And I’m looking forward to an year of being daring. Of asking questions. Of going ahead and trying something out even when I know nought of its end. Of getting out of my comfort zone. Of stretching myself to see how much I can handle. 

23 feels like real adulthood to me. If there is one thing the stories I’ve heard about adulthood show me, its this; not knowing. Not knowing whether tomorrow will be like today. Not knowing if that job is the right one. Or if that guy is serious with you. Or if God and you are still okay. Not knowing about the bigger picture but having a thousand little decisions to be made as of now. 

I hope next year, a date like today, i’ll look back and be glad that I had a daring year. That I did more than I didn’t do. That I jumped off cliffs. That I went ahead despite the fear and the what ifs. That I gave my best to myself, my friends, family and my environment. That God fulfilled my yearly prayer. 

But for now, I celebrate myself. This is my happiest Birthday yet. I’ve never looked forward to a year as much as this one. 

Happy 23rd Birthday Mercy! May it bring you more than you expect from it. 

The beauty of life

When I was young, I thought the beauty of life was finding your purpose and living it. Athletics seemed to live their passion. And I admired that. To know what you here on earth for and be it. I thought that was the ultimate goal. I prayed for God to reveal my purpose in life. I observed myself and wondered which of my hobbies would be tied to my destiny. 

However, with time, I have realised that the ultimate beauty of life is to be alive for today. That though big things happen to us; people become cabinet secretaries, others finally start their own businesses, others miscarry, others lose the loves of their life, others marry, others get raped- they don’t define us necessarily. We are not us because of them. 

Its the mundane, everyday life that is the ultimate goal of living a good life. We sleep and make plans for tomorrow. And then tomorrow comes -it either goes as planned or something happens that affects all consequent tomorrows. It changes our todays. And after a while we get used to that change. And on a certain boring day, something else happens that tilts slightly the direction of our lives. And those small tilts sometimes bring way more change to our destinies than the big earthquakes we were expecting. 

I used to look at our local businesspeople and wonder, what satisfaction do they get from selling and buying stuff? Like are they proud of who they turned out to be? I felt bad for them, well kinda. Until I’ve realized, that its my eyes that were closed. Their lives beauty isn’t from what they do. Its from who they are today. The daily interactions with their clients, preparing their kids for school each morning and counting their milestones, attending a neighbour’s funeral, preparing for the wedding next door, politicking all the time, cheating on your husband with that young banker, gossiping about that woman you hate on the outside but envy on the inside, feeling and being a part of your church, and belonging to your community. 


A friend used this line, ” learning patience by being patient “, and it touched my deepest core. Its so simple yet so profound to me. You see of late my life has been one of learning lessons I thought I knew practically. You think you are a patient person until life gives you moments where you have to live out your patience. And its never an easy thing. Practical lessons can be the simplest yet the most difficult. 

In between taking life’s corners, I skidded into this season where I have no control over my life. Not that I’ve ever had control over it anyway, but at least previously I knew or could guess what I would be doing tomorrow. My relationships with God, self and others might not have been the best but they had some sort of consistency in them. While as of now, I’m constantly growing and reevaluating life and relationships . 

At first I did as I have done before when faced with unknown circumstances. I fretted. I worried. I complained. I over thought about it. I fidgeted. And as you already guessed, all that did nothing to help. It only made my stay in this season cumbersome. 

So I did something else, I lost control. Of my life. The one I didn’t have control over in the first place but I acted and thought as if I did. I let go. Of rigidity. My life would go as it wanted to go. And not in a bitter way. In a ‘ I have done all I could think of doing and nothing worked out- its time I let nature take control – and no hard feelings ‘. It was a gradual process this one. Of letting my life be. I had started to learn how to let myself be, so this time, it was just letting my life be. Giving it freedom to go whichever directions with no bad feelings on my side over expectations not met. 

I would be lying if I said my life has been a fairy tales since I let it be. It has not. But as I’m now seated in a garage somewhere, reading an extremely good short story, while single and happily(rather excitedly) waiting for this Valentines and feeling this immense bubble of happiness on my soul- I can say one thing, my life is beautiful right now. 

The kind of beauty I like. I’ve been accused of having weird tastes in almost everything; from clothes to pictures to places I want to travel to , to books. So this is my kind of beauty. Beauty that’s totally imperfect and that is what adds to its allure. Beauty that is drawn in abstract paintings. 

Some days are so difficult to go through, others are too mundane for my liking, other times I find God in the most unlikely places, others days I wake up panicked, others I spend struggling to just survive the day, others I spend on the euphoria clouds- but in all of them; I find myself. All those days are a representation of myself. The glossy sides, the rusty side, the unhealed parts that need some love to be shone in, the crazy parts that make up the wild side of me, the abnormal side that makes me quiet person because speaking out some of my thoughts is kinda illegal( hehe) , the parts that struggle to understand God and Christianity and the white man, the adventurous side that will make an adventure out of a desert; and all of those are wholly and equally me. And I am beautiful. So they are beautiful on their own. 

So I smile, they say there are many ways to be happy, others advice on the many ways to find love, more have preached on how to be at peace with yourself, and for me, as of now, I’ve learnt that the way to a beautiful life is by letting my life be. It will resort to its default settings. And by default, I am beautiful.