Lessons from my journey

There are things I know now that I wish I believed in an year or so ago. Things I knew but they hadn’t sunk into my heart. And right now, they have made all the difference in my life

1. Spiritual okayness isn’t a synonym to emotional wellbeing. 

I think its coz of always being told that if you do God’s business He will do yours, that I assumed that if I served God well, and was okay with Him, then my life was sorted. Or maybe it’s because they told us that God was going to make everything better for those of us in His kingdom. Or maybe it was because we were told to seek his kingdom first and everything else shall follow. 

All I know, is that I did all the above, my spiritual life grew in leaps and bounds, NY spiritual man matured, I spoke to God and we communicated, I prayed first thing I woke up, God kept on speaking to me through various things during the day and I winded up my day with him, yet by the end of the day, I was severely depressed and in need of urgent help or things would turn ugly pretty fast. 

Sharon tried for months to show me the above, but it just wasn’t sinking in. But I learnt the hard way. 

Spirituality and emotional wellbeing are very different. I have my spiritual side and my emotional man that requires attention. Whereas my spiritual man can be fed by scriptures, prayers and fellowship, my emotional side requires a fully fledged relationship with myself. 

I realised I had neglected myself for too long. I was doing so badly that not even I could help myself. I needed help. Which leads to my second lesson. 

2. Therapy isn’t anything you ever imagine it is. 

I had always toyed around with the idea of seeing a counsellor. But in my head I was scared of so many things. I thought people who go for therapy must have undergone some traumatic one off event which they couldn’t move past. 

But now, I recommend everyone for therapy. As long as you don’t have your shit together, see one. Of all monetary investments you will ever make, that will be the most profitable. 

3. You are unique. You are special.

I spent most of my campus days trying to tone myself down to fit in. Trying my best not to stand out. Trying not to be weird. I don’t think I succeeded ( after all that effort, hehe), but now I know better. 

There is no one like me. No one with my personality, flaws, strengths and weaknesses and passions. Meaning if I ever find myself being similar to someone, something is wrong somewhere. 

But above that, its pretty amazing being in my own skin comfortably. I have no one whom i’m competing with. No one i’m comparing myself against. Accepting and understanding that i’m unique has opened me up to so much internal peace and comfortability.

3. Just because my past was hard doesn’t mean my present or future are

I’ve lived my life always ready for the next bad thing. And they came. Its like I was in this black hole that just kept on spiraling downwards. When you grow up in an emotionally unstable family, you kinda get used to the uncertainty of times ahead and the certainty of turbulent things happening suddenly. 

But I have come to realise that life is beautiful. Life can be savoured, it can be sweet. It can enjoyed. It can be pleasurable. Life isn’t all tears. Its taken me a while to stop expecting bad things all the time. To stop being perpetually sad. To learn positivism. 

4. Friends are precious

Inside there, I was always a loner. Afraid of letting anyone in. I had built walls so high that they defined me. I was a shell. To the outside I only showed the basic minimal. I tried to shrink myself at any given time so as to avoid anyone poking holes. 

Until I let people in. And there is nothing more stimulating than a good conversation. Good conversations are heart to heart talks that require vulnerability. Nothing beats the feeling and side effects of being vulnerable with someone equally vulnerable to you. It makes it okay to be you. You voice all those thoughts you were too afraid to let out. 

Friends are precious. Whether 1 or 2, or ten, the value they add to my life isn’t measurable. Let people in, you’ll be better for it. 

5. Take risks with yourself

I’ve learnt that to truly know oneself is a never ending journey. Don’t limit yourself to what you think you know about yourself. Those people going on a group trip and its not your thing, jump right in, if it isn’t what you like- you’ll now be backed up by experience, or surprisingly, you might end up enjoying things you didn’t know you liked. 

Just don’t limit yourself to the Mercy who loves 1,2,3 and that’s all. Take leaps of faith. You’ll fail alot of times. But you’ll have made long lasting memories. Which leads to the last lesson of the day-

6. Want things , want life

Sounds weird? Don’t settle for anything. I don’t mean goals, dreams and all things big. I mean the kawaida everyday stuff. Desire things. Let the desire to see the stars at night drive you up the roof to see them. Take a different route. Watch the sunset. Brew coffee. Make eggs the way you like then. Miss Korean chicken. Read books till you find the one that makes you want to read more. Dye your hair. Sing hymns in Kamba even though you only know 2 lines. Just want life. Don’t just live, want to live. 


What is an effective prayer? 

Before I started reading With Christ in the school of prayer, i remember wondering, what on earth does an effective prayer look like? Like when do I say I am efficiently praying? Because I understood praying isn’t just about asking and receiving. So an effective prayer can’t be just one where you get what you asked for. And I couldn’t grasp my head around what I could call an effective prayer. 

But at least now I have an idea of what an effective prayer looks like. 

Jesus kept on repeating that if you don’t forgive your brother/neighbour, then your heavenly father won’t forgive you. Even in the famous Lord’s prayer, forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. 

And that’s where our lesson comes from today. 

How effective our prayers are depend on 2 things;

1. Our relation with God

Of this many things have been said. But the most important for today is, you can’t have faith in God’s scripture/promises coming true unless you have faith in the promiser. Let us check our prayers. How do we ask for things? You know some of these things we do subconsciously. For example, before starting to read this book, when I wanted something so badly, I would go to God and try and explain my case, why I want what I want, then I would quote for Him his word that supports whatever I want, then I would insist on it again. And this cycle goes on for a while, either until i get what I want or I give up on it and move on. 

Now, imagine if I assumed I was talking to my father. Probability is that my conversation with Him would take a very different course. Why? Because how I view and relate with him is different thus how I even perceive his word is different. 

And that is why faith and prayer go hand in hand. To pray you must have some faith. Then your prayer will increase and strengthen your faith. And together they will strengthen each othe

For an effective prayer, you must at least know and understand and have a working relationship with whoever you are praying to. What is your relationship with your father, because regardless of what His word says, your prayer is dependent on how you two relate. 

2. Our relation with men

This is why Jesus said that if you are going to the altar and remember a brother who has not forgiven you, leave your present at the altar and first go and sort out issues with fellow man. That’s how important our relation with fellow men is. That God would have you get out of church to go sort out your issue with your friend/spouse/neighbour first before coming to worship Him. Its that serious.

I know we are told differently. That God comes first. Sometimes this implies leaving some our duties to go to God’s house. Well, apparently, God will forgive you as you forgive others. So is you if you are depending on “Time heals” to forgive that person who hurt you, know that your God is also doing the same to your sins. 

We try and make ourselves presentable when going to God. No wonder you hear phrases like, ” Unanitusi na Leo ni Sunday?“. We have this idea of how we should go before God. Yet when God looks at those 2 hours or prayer, He shall answer them ,not according to how much you pleaded or quoted his word , or how sincere and fervent you were, but by how you spent the other 22 hours of your day. 

I once read somewhere Ernest Wamboye was saying that the bible says that husbands will not have their prayers answered if they mistreat their wives or something of the sort. I thought it a bit harsh. Until I now encounter Jesus telling us to get out of church and first sort out any issues we have with each other before coming to God. I don’t know why this has kinda shocked me. Like how you live your daily life, how you treat those around you, will a 100% affect the reception of your prayers in heaven. Seems I have a lot of food for thought. 

Anyway, the above 2 have at least given me a glimpse of what an effective prayer looks like. Its one offered by a person right with God and right with men. 

To pray is to change. 

To Pray is to Change. 

I’ve been reading this book titled Celebration of Disciplines; The path to Spiritual Growth by Richard Foster. I decided to read it slowly, like chapter by chapter each week since it talks of Disciplines,these are things that are mastered by action not known by just reading alone. I like his style of writing. He counters all arguments you have, even before you raise them. Its the kind of book critical thinkers will enjoy since he talks to you as if in a bid to win you over on his side. Not as if you were already on his side. 

So the first discipline was meditation. I’ll admit I never thought meditation had anything to do with my spiritual growth. When the psalmist says he meditates upon God’s word day and night, in my head that meant thinking, not the meditation that yoga people do. Not that that’s the one Richard Foster is advocating for, but it opened my mind to something I had never considered doing. And he describes christian meditation as the ability to hear God’s voice and obey his word. 

But that is not what I want us to talk about. Its the second discipline that has floored me. 

So I open the second discipline which is prayer, and I felt like skipping onto the third one. I mean, I knew I didn’t know everything about prayers, but I also knew that at least of all spiritual disciplines, I’m good at this one. But after little consideration I decided to read it as a by the way. Sharon, a close friend of mine, always says, there is no wasted knowledge. 

So as I read, I realise that my idea of prayer is kinda slightly different from his. According to him, to pray is to change. I mean, I know prayer isn’t just about asking and receiving, and I know its about fellowship with God, and I agree with him that praying should be more listening than talking( something I should improve on), but to pray is to change? I felt as if that had a deeper meaning than I understood. 

So when he recommended another book that helped him, I went looking for it. The title of the book even just caught my attention. With Christ in the school of Prayer by Andrew Murray. 

Na tusema tu, nimejua sijui ( I’ve realised how ignorant I was). Every chapter here in this book on prayer is exposing my foolishness which I thought was wisdom when I wanted to skip the chapter on prayer. And indeed as the book says, I’m with Christ in the school of prayer. And I’ll share some of our lessons so far. 

You remember the Samaritan woman? Well, I think that’s the first time Jesus talks of prayer. And he tells the woman that a time is coming when people shall worship the father in truth and in spirit. And that that hour has come. 

I’ve heard the above verse many times but seems I understood it all wrong. 

When Jesus says worshipping the father in spirit, what does that mean? This simply means being in harmony with the father. And the only way to be in harmony with the father is by having a ‘sonship’ kind of situation with him. And that only comes through Christ. No wonder Jesus tells the woman, an hour is coming, and now is that hour. Before Jesus we could not worship the father in spirit because the one who was to make us sons, and thus giving us same spirit with the father had not yet come. You notice in the Old Testament no one addressed God as my father personally? So to pray in spirit, is not something that comes from your mind to God, its a spirit thing( its like an exchange between two spirits that are walking in harmony).

And what does in truth mean? I always thought it meant praying according to God’s word. Or at least praying sincerely. Well, you remember to pray is to change? Same concept here, in truth means for real. Like that fellowship you have with God brought about using prayer shall be visible in your life. Like your daily life shall reflect the fellowship you have with God inside there.  No wonder Jesus scraps off people going to a certain temple or place to worship..the worshippers God desires shall do so wherever they are. They  shall be walking temples. And God dwelling in them shall be shown in the way they think, act or speak. It shall be for real this time. Not just knowing God’s word in your mind, but it not having any impact in your daily life. 

But what caught my attention the most was the Lord’s prayer. I knew it would be there, I actually would not have been surprised if i had found that the book was based on this one example of prayer. But he covers it in one chapter. But he does it in a very interesting way. This perspective he has tackled it from, changes the Lord’s prayer from an example of how we should pray, to an example of how we should live. 

Interesting to know that Jesus didn’t teach his disciples how to preach but he taught them how to pray. And more interesting to note that after spending time with Jesus, him healing the sick, chasing out demons, condemning the Pharisees’s behavior, the only thing they asked Jesus to teach them was how to pray. They must have noticed that Jesus prayed differently and that that difference is what would give them the rest of those things they could have asked to be taught but didn’t. That shows us the importance of prayer in our lives. 

Anyway onto our father’s prayer. 

Our father who art in heaven. 

Jesus by this opening line, gives us the attitude we are supposed to approach our God with in prayer. Not as a King( which God is), not as a Rock, or Creator or Owner of the universe but as our father. You see, assume you work with your father in a family owned business. When you are at work, you’ll approach your father as the CEO of the company that he is, not as your father, but while at home, you’ll call him dad and maybe even crack irrelevant jokes. Jesus knows God has many aspects of himself that we know of. And He tells us to approach our God as our father at any given point. 

This cancels out a lot of fears we have. A son knows the father cares for him. A son will never refuse to run to the father simply because he is dirty or injured. Actually, that will be more reason for a child to run to his father. But a person might refuse to go see the king when he or she feels dirty, right? That’s why Jesus tells us to approach prayer with the attitude of we are going to see our loving father. This isn’t just a concept we are supposed to read and know, we are supposed to internalize it and let it drive away all fears we might have ever had about approaching our dad. Its love simply explained.

Hallowed be thy name. 

Hallowed means consecrated or sanctified, sacred or holy. And how will this happen? This is practical in our lives. Remember prayer isn’t something we say but to pray is to change? Well, if we allow the Holy Spirit to lead our lives, then God’s name will be hallowed in our lives( practically- how we live daily). Only Him can hallow his name, we can’t do that by our own. No wonder we pray that Hallowed be thy name. 

Thy kingdom come

God is a king, he has a kingdom in which the son Jesus is an heir. We are sons too by virtue of Christ. But whereas Christ is in heaven, where God’s kingdom is already manifested, we are on earth where God’s kingdom hasn’t been manifested fully. No wonder after approaching God as our father, asking that His name be glorified, we are now moving onto the next business of the day. That our dad’s kingdom be brought where we are. Isn’t it only natural for a son of a king to want his father’s kingdom be extended? Especially if you are heir to it?

 No wonder Jesus was insisting on us seeing God as a father. You see, a soldier might fight for the king, but they don’t always have the King’s interest at heart, no wonder some defect and go form their own kingdoms. Same concept, we’ll struggle to do God’s will and spread his gospel unless we too share in the same heart behind it. Unless you understand the whole ‘Sonship’ that Christ came to unveil, then you’ll forever struggle to do God’s will and follow God’s word. Not that as a son its easier, but it flows from a place deeper than your mind. It comes from knowing that you are forever accepted and also forever working towards being like the first born; Jesus Christ. This goes hand in hand with Thy will be done in Heaven as it is on earth. 

Give us this day our daily bread

Now before we tackle this, did you notice that the Lord’s prayer starts with Thy Name, Thy Kingdom and Thy Will before moving onto Give us, Forgive Us ,Lead us and deliver us?  Just like with the commandments, we start with God first not our needs or us.  That should be the attitude, what is God’s will for me, my family, my country and earth? That should come before what you would want for yourself, your family and country.

Jesus told us that our father knows our needs even before we ask of them. That means that all those prayers I have been making trying to convince God to give me something were ill advised on my part( the convincing part that is). God knows what I need, when I need it and how I need it. He doesn’t have to be quoted for his scripture where he is promising me something for him to suddenly remember that He said so thus should do so because Mercy needs this thing saa hii. Aki I’m now realising how much I didn’t know how to pray ( like what was I doing!? He he )

And forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors

Now that we have been given our daily bread to feed our body, we need soul food. That’s how Christ sees it. And this shouldn’t be a formality because only confessed sins shall be forgiven. Like by the time we leave or go to God, you should be able to say that you know of no one whom you do not heartily love. Doesn’t that go against our saying, “Time heals”. You know, that part where we carry on grudges for years because we are waiting for time to tone them down. Well, healing may take time, but forgiving shouldn’t. Imagine if God forgave our sins the way we forgive others…some of us would not be forgiven so easily. 

And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from the evil one.

After our daily bread, our soul being sorted out, comes maintainance sasa. This means not just sticking with God for a day or two but forever. And the thing that would make us not to abide in him are temptations and the evil one. We thus pray that God keeps us in him and that he delivers us from the evil one who is prowling around looking for someone to devour. 

After such an intense prayer of dedicating yourself to God, your requests to him, and asking him to be with you, tell me how that doesn’t result to change? 

I’m excited to just seat at Jesus’ feet and have him teach me how to pray just like he did with the disciples. Like really excited. I didn’t know I was this unknowledgeable. 

Anyway, see? To pray is to change. 

Have you not read…?

Have you ever experienced how God humbles people? Well, I’m beginning to think that its a trend now in my life. God opens a new journey or lesson for me, I do it or learn it. And then I feel on top of the world. I yap on it( innocently though). I enjoy the ‘limelight’ that comes with the statement, ” I made it mama”.  And then the crest of that hill stops being as exciting. I start looking for the next step. 

And that is when God comes in smiling saying, ” for I know the plans I have for you”. I smile even widely. This gotta be good. And then Bam! God opens up a Mt.Kenya, while here I was on top of Ngong hills thinking that I made it! God always has bigger and better lessons ahead. I just never think if it when I’m celebrating the one I’m on. 

If you’ve read at least 10 random pieces from this blog, you must have seen this statement, ‘ and then I read the whole Bible’. I’ve talked about how that came about on several occasions. I was happy. I knew I had achieved something important to my spiritual life. And that still stands. 

Now, if you’ve followed me on Facebook, you’ve also seen some devotions I share from Charles Haddon Spurgeon. I love that man’s interpretation of the word. But above that, one thing has always puzzled me. He makes a whole devotion out of a single line. Not a verse. A line. And that line can come from anywhere. For example, ” and she let down the red cord”. That has always mesmerized me. Like I know preachers have sufficient grace for their calling, but how does he do that? And so I kept on wondering about it after every single devotion.

Months later after completing cover to cover, I was back again. I have been feeling this desire to read the bible again. All of it. I tried starting it just as I did last year. And it has not worked out. Something has been off. Yet the desire to read it has persisted. So I began looking for different ways of reading it. 

And it is that search that has led me to how God desires me to read his word. And not just me but all of us. And guess from whose sermon’s I got the direction from? Charles Haddon Spurgeon. My guy. Like God had ordained these steps in such a way that I wouldn’t miss them. He knew if there is a person whose knowledge of the word amazes me, it has to be Spurgeon. So who is best positioned to condemn me and teach me how to read the word correctly? You guessed it right. 

So I’ve learnt a few things from Charles Spurgeon’s interpretation of this statement, ” have you not read..?”. Jesus was asking the pharisees condemning his disciples that question. He was asking people who had studied the word of God severally and thoroughly. He was asking men who knew the word inside out, ” have you not read?”. That question felt so personal. I have read the whole bible, yet God is here asking me, ‘ have you not read?’. 

So did I read wrong? Yes. How? Reading God’s word isn’t like a textbook, that I read for knowledge. Its my daily bread that nourishes me. So when I read the first time, I read it as a book, to be familiar with it. And sincerely, that was one of my major aims of doing cover to cover within a year. And I did achieve it. But God doesn’t want me to partake of my food like that. By being familiar with it. He wants me to savor it. To delight in it. 

So how should we read the word? 

1. With the help of the Holy Spirit

The word of God is His means of taking us to the other side of life. Its the boat of transporting us from being just us, to the other side of being more Christ like. So we definitely can’t row this boat alone. You see the way we prepare our spirits when partaking of the Holy communion? More should the preparations be, when going to partake of our daily spiritual foods. I  shouldn’t show up from anywhere, hurriedly read my bible, and leave. It should be something I pray about. And invite the Holy Spirit to help me before doing ,even if my devotion lasts only for 10 minutes. Its no excuse to not ask for God’s interpretation of His word. 

2.  To Understand it. 

Have you not read..? This implies that we read but don’t understand the deeper meaning of it. Why was it written there? God intentionally decreed every word that we have in the bible. The Old Testament isn’t just a tale to tell us of how big our God is. Or how hardheaded the Israelites were. Every single verse is food for our soul. 

Some verses will be understood easily. Others will require a lot of meditation to be understood. While others, still, will require God himself to place the meaning in our hearts. But unless we understand the word, God shall be asking, ” have you not read..? ” Even after reading the bible a thousand times.  And as I explained, only the Holy Spirit can help us understand. So every verse we read, we should seek to understand. Otherwise we haven’t read it. 

There are several benefits to reading the word the way God wants us to;

 Character transformation

We all know that is one of the major reasons on why we don’t fly to heaven immediately we get born again. Praying for God’s assistance ,then reading the word, then obeying what it says, is a discipline in itself. It allows us to trust in God. Not just with our sins and troubles, but with our daily walk with Him. 

It will move us from depending on sermons and other people’s devotions to grow our faith to tapping it directly from the source. From saying ‘I read somewhere…’ , to this ‘verse means this way from my daily devotion’. It will increase our dependence on God. And our fear for Him. And He says that His friendship is for those that Fear Him. And to those ones, He reveals His Covenant. And to those who follow His covenant, He shows His Steadfast love and faithfulness.  In simple terms, you become just like Christ. 

On meditation

Imagine the Holy Spirit helping you to meditate upon God’s word? The psalmist talks of several blessing that flow after that. But it’s a discipline that doesn’t come easily for our brains that are used to roaming to wherever they feel like. Our minds are used to activity and chaos. Meditation requires us to still our minds for a while. To concentrate on something specific. And that discipline is one of the things I will acquire when I read the word the way God desires. Plus it will greatly enrich my thoughts. Something I’m in dire need of. 
In a flash, I got from thinking I had read the word, to realizing that I’ve barely scratched the surface. But instead of being sad, I’m excited. This is a journey I’m so looking forward to. It promises to bring me closer to God. I definitely will not turn out to be like Charles Surgeon, neither do I desire to, but I now understand how he got revelation over what even a line in the bible means. Its no longer a secret or wonder. And I’m also amazed. That when God says He longs for us, He means it more deeply than I thought. 

I’ve also learnt that reading the word is not the end. At first, I thought of reading the bible as a ‘discipline’ in itself. Like one of the activities a Christian is supposed to do to grow spiritually. You know, things like pray and worship God. But now I understand it differently. The word is supposed to take me to God. Its like a passage. It is supposed to allow God to speak to me. Its not an ending to what God has said to me. Its the beginning. 

But above all that I’m humbled. Like I thought I had read, until God asked, ” Have you not read..? ” . 

..and He will give you the desires of your heart. 

Psalms 37:4

Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.  

What does the above verse mean to you? For the longest time ever, it simply meant that if I took delight in God; that is, worshipped Him, did according to His Will, served Him, prayed to Him etc, then God would now grant the desires of my heart, specifically traveling all over the world and owning an NGO. It was pretty straightforward. 

Until, I started growing deeper into God’s word. Especially prayer wise. I once read that, what oxygen is to a human body, prayer is to a Christian. And so I started praying more or at least the frequency of my prayers increased. I ensured that even between activities in my day, I would pray. I even started attending that prayer meeting in my church that I’ve mentioned here before. I wanted to be alive spiritually. And if prayer was the key, then I certainly would use it. 

Then trouble appeared in paradise. Some of my prayer requests were being answered, and some not being answered. Being me, that troubled me. A lot. Why was God being selective when it comes to my issues? Did He not know how important everything I bring before Him is to me? Did He sincerely care? Because if He did, then He would have granted me some of those prayer requests.

I hated that aspect. That God has the power and ability to answer me, but He at times chooses not to. It affected the trust I had put in Him. It made me start second guessing Him. Like I would have an issue, I bring it before Him, but at the back of my heart I’m thinking, ” what if He chooses not to answer this one?”. Trusting God while not trusting Him at the same time is a very bad place to be as a Christian. A lot of things can happen. And none of them good. 

But I have come to learn a very important lesson which I have talked about it kidogo here. God’s nature and will. Those two never change. At all. God will never stop being just. Not even for a mini second. And again, He will not go against His word. Not even for His son. Like God is unchangeable. He never changes. 

How is that unchanging nature related to my prayers? I came to ask myself, are my prayer items according and in line with God’s will? Are they? Were they? Those things God was not giving me, was it my right according to His word, which He swears by?

 There was a time I got mad at God because He didn’t bring back the electricity when I wanted to shower(petty I know). But then it meant a lot to me at the moment. And knowing my God, I knew He could easily do that. But He didn’t. But looking back, had God done that, He would have opened a door for me to be a brat. There are times, God has answered silly requests from me, but those ones have served to strengthen our relationship. According to His word, He desires that I have a strong character, that will come from perseverance. So if any of my prayer requests, leads to the opposite of that, He will not go against His Will found in His word for me. Because He can’t go against Himself. 

Then come the ways through which God speaks to me. Prayer being the main one. There are times I have gone to pray and in between my prayer I get a new perspective of things. That’s God talking to me. Other times God prompts me to pray about something or someone. Even when things are not necessarily going wrong with that thing or person. 

As I grow deeper, I have realized something else change about the things I want. For example, there is a time I thought about what God’s purpose was for my life. That question troubled me for a while. Sincerely, I felt as if my spiritual growth was enough for God to now hand me responsibilities. I prayed about it. And the next week, someone sent to me the purpose driven life by Rick Warren. Reading that book opened me to the soo many things that I needed to work on. To the extent that I felt as if I was very immature spiritually and not ready for the purpose I was asking God for. But the lessons of that book kept on running around my head. One month later, a discipleship program in church opened up. And in between I learnt how to manage the various responsibilities God expects of me.

What I’m driving at is this, God speaks to us through the desires of our heart. Looking at the above example, I can tell you 100% that the desire to know God’s purpose didn’t originate from my carnal mind. My earthly self is too selfish to start thinking about what I can do for anyone else beside me. So God placed that desire in me. And He thus went ahead to fulfill. 

This goes hand in hand with, “may your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” I used to wonder why on earth God does not just do His will without our prayer or asking. I still don’t know why by the way, but one thing I know, is that God comes down upon our invitation. This is why David concludes that, God dwells in the praises of His people. And we are also told, that where two or three are gathered in His name, God is there. In simple terms, that’s why prayer is the most important thing a Christian can do. You stop praying, your spirituality dies. 

So what does God do when He wants something to happen but you haven’t prayed for it? Being the gentleman He is, He can’t force you. So He makes you desire it. Which makes you pray for it. Which leads to His will happening on earth as it is in heaven. 

That was my point today. That God will give you the ‘desires’ of your heart. Like He will make you desire things according to His will. 

Now how do you know that the desires you have are from God? Well, the best way to know something is from God is by reading His word. God will never go against His nature and will. But not everything is mentioned in the bible, you say. But whatever it is, will be something that the God in the bible can do or command. 

Another way, is that God will follow up the desire in your heart with action. For example, I felt a certain desire in my heart on Tuesday. During the weekend, we were told to pray over the exact same thing. God always follows up on the desires He gives. Always. Plus there are no coincidences with God. If you see or hear the same message twice, pray about it, don’t ignore it. 
So take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. 


She always saw them everywhere, in the matatu, around archives and the markets. Sometimes with a microphone, other times with really worn out bibles. After listening to them for over a hundred times, she has learnt the art of switching off when they speak. Except one or two times when they actually deliver a message she needed to hear. Other times she listens out of guilt. She does not want to go to heaven and find out she had been ignoring her housemate to be. And in those times when she gives, its always out of pity. I mean, this guys are actually depending on preaching in matatus for survival. 

But then He has been calling her to care more about the things He cares about. And calling on the lost was His main mission on earth. At first she ignored Him. When you are heavy laden with your own burdens you won’t notice anyone else’s. But if you know this gentleman, then you know how patient He can be. Slowly by slowly He has been unburdening her. Asking her to bring all her worries to Him. The easy ones she brings willingly. The rest He has to cause a storm in her sea to make her give them up to Him. With every burden lifted, she gets a new yoke. Something lighter than she is used to. 

At first they said that everyone has their own different purpose in this one body. Everyone is unique. And they said He requires that they all use those different gifts and abilities for His glory. She had no problem with that. Until they said that all of them are called to call others. Its everyone’s purpose. Its among the top three reasons He didn’t take them home after they gave their lives to Him. The harvest. But as usual, that didn’t bother her. She would talk to those she can, write to those who will read and pray for the rest. The rest of the body parts will do the other things. But no, they insisted, everyone has the ability to at least once in a lifetime be a street preacher. 

Street preacher. Those people she always ignored. The ones she avoided at all cost. The ones she gave sadaka out of pity. The ones she assumes they don’t exist and if they do its none of her business. She would now be one of them. That didn’t excite her one bit. The world is a cruel place. Especially for religion. But more so for Christianity. She could have said no. But that didn’t cross her mind. She is simply not one to wave off trying a new thing. Plus she wouldn’t be alone. 

“I’ll wear a clothe that I can easily run in, in case we are chased off somewhere”. She told her roommate that morning. She was hoping for the best, but more prepared for the worst. People don’t like being asked if they know Him. But that doesn’t mean they never have answers for that. Expecting rejection she turned up for a briefing with the other church members turned street preachers that day. Her prayer was that God remembers the prayers that had been made for this day. And off they went. 

You know what is better than being told ” I love you”? Telling someone they are loved. Nothing beats that. Reminding someone that He has their back, whether they acknowledge Him or not. That He cares, for all of us. That simple message of love ended up changing her perspective. The world is thirsty, she realised. The kind if thirst that well water can’t relieve. Besides one or two people, the rest were very receptive. Indeed , she concluded, the harvest is a lot but the laborers are few. 

Sometimes fear holds us back from doing God’s business. And true not everyone is called to be a street preacher. But being one will help you see the desire that is in people’s hearts but they have no shepherd to lead them. Plus, He won’t tell you to go do His work and then desert you in the process. He promises to be with you always. Don’t miss out on any opportunity to remind people that they are loved. Even go ahead and ask God to show you the opportunities around you. They will believe by hearing the word, and how will they hear if they are not preached to? Do your part. Spread the word. Plant the seed.God is able to grow it. Plus it’s His part to do so. And your part to ensure that in your sphere of influence, everyone has heard the word. Not the complicated deeper things of the spirit. Just the basic that God loves us. He always has and He always will. 

He Has Told Me


It all ends here sweetheart. When it lasted, it was good. I know I suck at farewells, but for the first time in my life I am not grieved about letting go. The future holds a lot of newness. It could be good, torturing even, but He has told me that to gain my life I have to lose it. That I have to deny myself. You remember I had put Him as my number one? Well, things worked out so well that He stopped being my number one. Instead, the life I live, I live through Him, literally.
He is a lot of things I am not. Actually that is the understatement of the millennium. I am world apart from Him. And as I have told you, the end goal is to have me like Him. It comes at a cost though. I have to deny myself and take up my cross and follow Him. Last time you checked, I didn’t know what He meant by that. So I admit that I never thought much of it. But he has been building up my understanding on it, until today I got a light bulb moment about what it means.
This is to tell you that you were good to me. You pushed me beyond what I thought I could handle. You remember in high school when all I felt like doing was reading novels? And they were many going around. But you reminded me that the world isn’t kind to failures of any kind. And the antidote to failure is working hard. You remember when I was confused about the career to choose? You were there by my side. You told me to choose a field that is not overcrowded. Therefore I would be able to get a job easily. A job meant financial security, one of the major goals for our relationship.
Emotionally. I can’t thank you enough for the times you protected me from people. People hurt others, and we didn’t want that, did we? So we built walls higher than the tower of Babel in my heart. Walls that kept my hurt on the inside and people on the outside. We locked up what we couldn’t handle. Seeking for help wasn’t in our best interest. It involved letting people in which is what we were running away from. People.
You have been the backbone behind almost all major decisions in my life. I’m not sure I would be where I am right now if I did not take your input into consideration. And being sincere, I don’t regret it at all. Except that everything that has a beginning has an end. I have found a better alternative to you. And if this sounds so unlike me, you are right, it isn’t me. It’s Him. Told you I live through him nowadays.

Career wise, I don’t have a plan. I’ve taken my dreams to him. He said that I should not worry about anything but should instead cast my worries unto Him. I know you are wondering on what happened to the me that by now would have made phone calls, written emails and wrote letters in a bid to secure a seat for my life after campus. Well, nowadays we take one day at a time. We pray for our daily life and leave tomorrow to its own worries.
Emotionally, I’m not sure how you will take this. He helped me break down the walls we had built. He assisted in getting the hurt out of my system. The scars hurt at times but you should take a walk in my heart right now. For as long as I can remember, my heart has never been this light. I admit that all the issues we had locked up are not sorted out, but I am a thousand times happier than I ever was with you. He turned my sorrows into joy and my darkness into morning. I sincerely never thought that there would be a time in my life that I would not be a double sided human being. Alive on the outside but dead on the inside. And he made it possible for me, see, maybe I am not crazy after all to give my life in return.

On people. You might faint at reading this. I let people in. strangers, the people who knew me from the outside and anyone who cared really. I stopped being afraid of investing in people lest they become indispensable to me. I started investing in people regardless of how they react. Nowadays I give my all. And I have found the most meaningful friendships this way. This is working compared to the old system of keeping myself to me alone. I have been blessed by others and I have also gotten the opportunity to bless people. In a world where everyone is for himself and God for us all, I have chosen to be there for others. And sincerely at that. It does not matter whether they will pay back or not. I have received much, the least I can do is be there for someone else.

So see, when I was with you I had to worry and plan about every detail of my life. I had to think and guess all possible eventualities and have a plan for them all. I had to have back up for everything. Answers to everything in life. I knew a lot when I was with you. But now, I am free. He said if I sought after his kingdom and righteousness, all things would follow. And I did the math and realized that it takes less effort to seek after his kingdom compared to seeing after the everything else on my own. And being me, I chose the easier option.
When I was with you, I faced life alone. Now, we do life together. I won’t lie, it has not been easy. Especially since we all humans. But it has been worth it. There is warmth that comes with being real with fellow human beings. There is honor in being you. It’s a relief to not pretend anymore. And doing life together has helped in applying all things that I’ve been learning from him. It gives me a platform to actualize the theory that is his word.

Clearly, I’m doing better. I used to think that denying myself for his sake would take blood tears and sweat. But it only needed one thing. Grace. Right now, I am wondering where I have been with myself, why I did not take up his cross earlier and follow him. His yoke is lighter than mine. His ways are simpler than mine. My way leads to death. Emotionally and spiritually. His way leads to life and not just life but life in abundance. I would love to add a but, you know the way after someone describes something good they usually add,” but nothing is easy in this life”. But I will not, because compared to where he found me and where I am right now, this is heaven.

I feel like the man who after finding the kingdom of God went back and sold his farm to buy the treasure. I am happy. I am content. I don’t know what the future holds, but he said he does. I don’t know what next, but he said I should not worry about it. I don’t have a plan just in case anything in my life goes wrong but he told me to call him at any sign of trouble. Bad things still happen to me by the way, but he said that they will work out for my good. I get situations I can’t handle on my own, but he strengthens me and helps me. Sometimes I don’t think I have it in me to do the things he calls me to, but he uses my weaknesses to show his strength. I still have dreams and desires, and he said that he will do immeasurably more than I can ever imagine. I wrong him at times, but he said nothing shall ever separate me from him, not even heights nor depths nor angels nor demons. I get lost at times, but he guides me back and instructs me in the way I should go.
Therefore, I am losing myself to gain myself. I am denying myself and taking the cross to follow him. I no longer live but he lives in me, the life I live in the body, I live by faith in him. He who loved me greatly and gave himself up for me. Whatever he tells me to do, I do.  You call this being brainwashed or stupid even. But I call this living. I was lost but now I am found.
Goodbye independence. Goodbye self sufficiency. I am now fully dependent on him. My life now runs on what he says.