There are things I know now that I wish I believed in an year or so ago. Things I knew but they hadn’t sunk into my heart. And right now, they have made all the difference in my life
1. Spiritual okayness isn’t a synonym to emotional wellbeing.
I think its coz of always being told that if you do God’s business He will do yours, that I assumed that if I served God well, and was okay with Him, then my life was sorted. Or maybe it’s because they told us that God was going to make everything better for those of us in His kingdom. Or maybe it was because we were told to seek his kingdom first and everything else shall follow.
All I know, is that I did all the above, my spiritual life grew in leaps and bounds, NY spiritual man matured, I spoke to God and we communicated, I prayed first thing I woke up, God kept on speaking to me through various things during the day and I winded up my day with him, yet by the end of the day, I was severely depressed and in need of urgent help or things would turn ugly pretty fast.
Sharon tried for months to show me the above, but it just wasn’t sinking in. But I learnt the hard way.
Spirituality and emotional wellbeing are very different. I have my spiritual side and my emotional man that requires attention. Whereas my spiritual man can be fed by scriptures, prayers and fellowship, my emotional side requires a fully fledged relationship with myself.
I realised I had neglected myself for too long. I was doing so badly that not even I could help myself. I needed help. Which leads to my second lesson.
2. Therapy isn’t anything you ever imagine it is.
I had always toyed around with the idea of seeing a counsellor. But in my head I was scared of so many things. I thought people who go for therapy must have undergone some traumatic one off event which they couldn’t move past.
But now, I recommend everyone for therapy. As long as you don’t have your shit together, see one. Of all monetary investments you will ever make, that will be the most profitable.
3. You are unique. You are special.
I spent most of my campus days trying to tone myself down to fit in. Trying my best not to stand out. Trying not to be weird. I don’t think I succeeded ( after all that effort, hehe), but now I know better.
There is no one like me. No one with my personality, flaws, strengths and weaknesses and passions. Meaning if I ever find myself being similar to someone, something is wrong somewhere.
But above that, its pretty amazing being in my own skin comfortably. I have no one whom i’m competing with. No one i’m comparing myself against. Accepting and understanding that i’m unique has opened me up to so much internal peace and comfortability.
3. Just because my past was hard doesn’t mean my present or future are
I’ve lived my life always ready for the next bad thing. And they came. Its like I was in this black hole that just kept on spiraling downwards. When you grow up in an emotionally unstable family, you kinda get used to the uncertainty of times ahead and the certainty of turbulent things happening suddenly.
But I have come to realise that life is beautiful. Life can be savoured, it can be sweet. It can enjoyed. It can be pleasurable. Life isn’t all tears. Its taken me a while to stop expecting bad things all the time. To stop being perpetually sad. To learn positivism.
4. Friends are precious
Inside there, I was always a loner. Afraid of letting anyone in. I had built walls so high that they defined me. I was a shell. To the outside I only showed the basic minimal. I tried to shrink myself at any given time so as to avoid anyone poking holes.
Until I let people in. And there is nothing more stimulating than a good conversation. Good conversations are heart to heart talks that require vulnerability. Nothing beats the feeling and side effects of being vulnerable with someone equally vulnerable to you. It makes it okay to be you. You voice all those thoughts you were too afraid to let out.
Friends are precious. Whether 1 or 2, or ten, the value they add to my life isn’t measurable. Let people in, you’ll be better for it.
5. Take risks with yourself
I’ve learnt that to truly know oneself is a never ending journey. Don’t limit yourself to what you think you know about yourself. Those people going on a group trip and its not your thing, jump right in, if it isn’t what you like- you’ll now be backed up by experience, or surprisingly, you might end up enjoying things you didn’t know you liked.
Just don’t limit yourself to the Mercy who loves 1,2,3 and that’s all. Take leaps of faith. You’ll fail alot of times. But you’ll have made long lasting memories. Which leads to the last lesson of the day-
6. Want things , want life
Sounds weird? Don’t settle for anything. I don’t mean goals, dreams and all things big. I mean the kawaida everyday stuff. Desire things. Let the desire to see the stars at night drive you up the roof to see them. Take a different route. Watch the sunset. Brew coffee. Make eggs the way you like then. Miss Korean chicken. Read books till you find the one that makes you want to read more. Dye your hair. Sing hymns in Kamba even though you only know 2 lines. Just want life. Don’t just live, want to live.