This feels a lot like a handing over program. But to be more precise it feels like a wedding. With the 24 year old me walking down the aisle, and the 25 year old me waiting on the other end. And like the deeply emotional moment it is, I’ve been avoiding this moment.
Because there is so much we are handing over. So many unfinished projects.
But what’s hardest to hand over, are our dreams. Hoping 25 actualizes them. And when I look at 25, I see her in a suit. Confident. Her whole posture is vibrating with hope. And kindness. With that killer smile.
Whereas for me, in my dress, walking towards her, I’m scared. Not afraid of anything, not that kind of scared. I feel as if this moment of handing over my life to 25, requires a lot of trust. I’m being asked to trust that she’ll take care of us. That we’ll be okay in her care. In her arms.
And each step I take, feels lighter. Terrifyingly lighter. At some point, I’m scared of walking. So I take tiny little steps. There are what ifs in my head. I love 25. There is no doubt about that. And I would like to spend the next year with her. To fully give her my all. Through the good times and bad times. For better. And the few worsts. To hold and to love. In health and hoping for less sickness.
And I’ve never seen one so confident, as her, looking at me. Smiling at me. Her bride. Her damsel in distress. Her choice. Chaguo la moyo wake.
And though its hard, I’m choosing to trust this. To trust that God is good. To trust that I’m in safe hands. To trust in the goodness that has seen me get here.
And to trust her, the next chapter.
For now, 14 hours before I leave my early twenties, I enjoy Canon D Pachelbel. Because that’s the exact mood I’m in. And its making me teary.
I don’t think I’ve ever had such an emotional birthday season as this one. The rest have always been full of excitement. This one had a heaviness to it.
Maybe because I wasn’t just looking at how my last year had been, but my life generally. And where I’m at in life. And the future. Not just at 25. I’ve felt my life taking turns that shape the direction of my life generally.
This feels much like being at a turning point. Or a boiling point, that’s more accurate. That point where one changes their state from liquid to steam. I feel as life has been building up to this moment. Causing the temperatures to rise slowly by slowly. And now we are 98 degrees Celsius. Almost there. And there are all this emotions about leaving the liquid state behind. And entering into the next state of life.
Ooh well, I wish myself all the best in this union. And thank you 24 and all those that have made her. And as we hand ourselves to 25, may we laugh. For we haven’t lost her. She’s just transformed to other forms of being.
Mwende Kyalo 