I’ve just discovered this musician on the internet. And his voice feels like its been wired to take me home to myself. Its so soothing, like it has penetrated into those crevices in my heart that barely have any light in them. And as i repeat his songs, in darkness, so that i can see the lights outside, i think about coming home to myself.
And how this journey is the hardest I’ve ever been through. I always think that after one hurdle, such as getting out of depression, that maybe handling life or living gets easier. It doesn’t get worse per se, there are just harder mountains to climb out there. Yesterday, i wished it wasn’t this hard. Like if there was an easier way out of moving on with life without being haunted by the past at every corner i take.
And as i cursed my past, i was reminded that the world can’t be harsh on me,and instead of showing kindness and gentleness to myself, i follow suit with more harshness. But as i listen to this man sing “the stream will take us home”, a line in one of his songs, i wonder, is there home?
Is there a place my soul will get and be satisfied? Or are we forever relearning, unlearning and learning? And why are my emotions usually so intense? I’ve noticed that some of my friends go through life a little easier emotionally. They don’t seem to experience these moments when the emotion knob in there seems to have been turned on the highest level. But as they say, comparison does more harm than good. After all, i really wouldn’t wish to be someone else.
This place this man sings about seems so beautiful. And i wonder, is there home? Does a place in time exist when my soul will be home?
Mwende Kyalo 