“What would your life look like, without the influence of your past?” She asked often. In more specific terms as time unfolded.
And over and over, I’ve had to ask myself whether my actions are as a result of running away from my past, or actually genuinely me. It can be quite a tiring ride. Running. Escaping. Successfully so. Then being told to stop running. Find a spot. And make a home. Or something of your own making.
Today I was thinking of a goal I would like to work towards when next year comes. Should it come. And yeah, i’m one of those folks, who plan about their years way in advance, and actually achieve most of their goals when the time comes.
And as I thought about it, I realised that I am becoming myself. Not the person who was always running away from her past. For once I am looking around, choosing what I want out of my soul’s pure desires and building a home there.
I can’t even describe how that feels. To finally not be on the run. To finally see layers of yourself unfold. To see yourself. To live as yourself. Uninfluenced somehow by the things that used to haunt you.
Its like a bird choosing a path, not out of fear, but out of want. Out of desire. The beauty of knowing that you choose that. And whatever comes out of it, you and only you are to be congratulated or blamed.
Mwende Kyalo 