You wonder whether the song has a double meaning. Like the book you read today. Or its just the way it is. The way it is. Water is water, but depending on the recipient, it could be a pond, a lake, a river or an ocean.
But at least now you can start wondering what that song means. Unlike the last few minutes where it made you cry. And you felt bad for your ears. For being clogged up with tears.
Relief. Is what you feel now. For realizing that you had been too far gone. Than you realized. Than you let on. Than you thought possible. You had thought that, just like other seasons, this too shall pass.
What you didn’t know is that you were hurtling towards the oblivion. Oblivious of it. One foot was already in the grave. Waiting for you to get tired completely. And that was happening sooner than you admitted to yourself.
Till they called you back to life.
You thought you would just snap out of it. That one day things would start working out and you would just up as if you had been waiting for them. You thought you would just dust off and move on.
Till now. When you have been offered what your heart wanted. What once made you smile when talking about your goals and dreams. And yet.
And yet, you were not happy. Or exhilarated. Or at least hopeful. You weren’t sad either. You just were. Indifferent.
And that scared you. Because you are not supposed to be indifferrent to things that once made you giddy with excitement thinking about them. You are not supposed to be indifferent when things look like they’ll work out somehow.
Call my name and bring me back to life. You don’t remember the title of that song. But its been running through your head the whole day. You never thought that line would ever apply to you. Till today.
You don’t know how to go about this. How do you come back to life? Which life? What life? How do you build ruins you thought were supposed to be crashed and buried? Will they be worth it? Will the new you be worth the energy required for a resurrection? Where do people buy energies to resurrect? Do you have purchasing power to begin with?
You stagger our of the grave. You try to run. It doesn’t work that way anymore. Maybe you buried a part of yourself in this season. That part of you that could run when all you wanted was to rest. That you that could do things because they were supposed to be done not because you wanted to.
This you walks at its pace. And right now, it seems malnourished. Can’t walk too fast, runs out of breath easily, is afraid and curious at the same time.
So you make plans for tomorrow. And hope that it comes with will power and energy for the day. And even if it doesn’t, you shall live.
Mwende Kyalo 