Today I’ve had one of those introspective days. I would almost say melancholic but my thoughtfulness has not come with sadness. Everything just seemed blurry and unmeaningful but meaningful at the same time. Its not a day I’ll remember, but its a day well lived.
I’ve listened to a woman today. A woman I would like to be one day. I loved how calm and composed she was. And how she delivered the word to us. I’ve been having one of those times, when you have a thousand little things that you just don’t know how they’ll turn out. And they’ve made my mind a chaotic place. Not like a bus station. Like our little town at night. All seems quiet and contained, but inside those houses, battles are being fought, women are being beaten, power is shared, children are sleeping hungry, soaps are misleading people, football is the cause of friction, babies are being made, people are praying and on it goes. But from the silence, you would imagine that the town is asleep.
And in the middle of all that, that woman caught my attention. She stilled the a thousand little things in my mind for over 40 minutes. Only halfway through did my it hit me, that unlike during the first half of the service when my mind was everywhere, it was quiet in there. We were listening. Me and all my little a thousand worries. Just like that, she made me listen. She didn’t walk at all from where she stood at first. She didn’t use her hands to express herself as she spoke. She just spoke. Calmly. Not softly. Not too loud though. Just the way a confident person who has nothing to prove would. And on and on she went on. She used movies to preach, not christian movies. Just movies. And books. Not romance or fiction, I’m almost saying real books.
Had I been younger, I would have fawned over her. But adulting happened. And now I just stare at good things from afar.
I don’t usually watch the trend. I think I have seen less than 10 episodes. But accidentally I’ve watched or rather listened to it today. And Larry is leaving. And he didn’t cry. He read a heartfelt farewell speech. He came, he saw, he conquered. And now its time to leave.
” And for the last time, I’m Larry Madowo….” That was the last line he said. And I don’t know why that moment has stuck with me. Weirdly enough, all I could think of, was a farewell to my life. Not in a gothic way, we will all leave people and things. But has it occurred to you, that rarely do people do farewells? Like you just finish school and off you go. You get a better job and off you are. For the lucky ones, a farewell party is thrown. You get into a relationship, as it ends, you just quarrel and leave. Or go silent and leave. Parents die without warning. Things just happen and life moves on.
No farewell. God knows I love farewells. Not the actual ceremony or wording, i mean, I always lack words when I’m leaving. But the actual closing of a chapter. The shutting down of that door in your head. I prefer knowing that on this month or week, this ended, it allows for closure. I remember looking at my ex one day, and I knew right then that we would break up. We did break up after a month or two after that day,but that day is the farewell day for me.
On the other side, farewells only work, after a job well done. Not when you are fired, or he cheated, or you are just not friends anymore, etc. So is the absence of farewells a sign that most transitory situations for most people are usually on a low note or from pain and sadness rather than on a high note or a job well done like Larry Madowo? But anyway, the likes of him are rare, we mostly prefer comfort zones than moving when we are still doing well. I don’t even know where I am going with this.
I feel like taking a break from my life. I know you all feel that way at some point. So its nothing new. Is there anything new on earth anyway? Except that its my time to feel that common feeling. And that makes it unique. Well, at least that’s what I’m telling myself. But I’m tired. Of even reading books. I’ve been debating on watching a movie or reading a book. A normal me wouldn’t be having such kind of a debate. I might end up doing none.
Anyway, I’ve thought of a more interesting thing to do. I’ll look for pictures of a place I really want to go. If all goes well, I’ll be telling you all about it in less than 3weeks time.