There are bad days. There are good days. And then there is today. When my heart is filled with hope. Of the things to come. I write easily of sad things. Conflicts are easier to explain than what I’m feeling now. But I want to remember this. I want to immortalize it for future reference.
So this is for me. For my future.
When the hard times come because they will surely come. May I remember that it is always darkest before dawn. It sounds simple, but from experience I know I always almost give up when victory is really near. May I not wallow in self despair as i’m wont to. May I not fight all the feelings that come with being down there. Because by the end of the day, I’m only human. And humans are full of good and evil. And happiness and sadness are equally important stakeholders in any human’s life.
When I’m undecided between following my heart’s desire and what seems reasonable, because life will always give me alternatives, may I without thought choose my heart. Because by the end of the day, what’s wealth, prosperity or success if your heart is not it?
When i feel afraid, may I still forge ahead. Fear is part of the journey. May I not wait for that fear to subside. May this blog’s persistent articles remind me the early times when I didn’t want to post many pieces in a week for fear that in future I wouldn’t be able to maintain that pace. And here we are!
When push comes to shove, and I’m alone in the path I want to take, may the lack of numbers not distract me. I’ve been here before and it never gets any easy. Charting your own path is never a rosy affair, especially since being human, you want atleast 1 person who gets you. You want to explain yourself coherently. May the lack of understanding act as an encouragement that I’m on the right path. If they understood, it wouldn’t really be my path.
What that means is that I shall forever have to be my own friend. In bad times, in hopeful times, in torturous moments and in happy moments. At times, especially where my dreams are concerned, I shall be my own critique, my source of motivation, my mentor, my own hater and enemy. So those roles will have to balance out evenly. May I learn to balance between being self dependent and a snob. May I remember that I’m all I have. And this life is the only one I have. May I always have my own back, even when I’m not who i would like to be yet.
And when I take a detour from my journey, may I not beat myself up for it. Instead, may I remember Oprah’s words, that in life there are no mistakes, just detours but by the end of the day, you’ll get to your final destination. May I embrace and enjoy whatever comes out of the diverse paths I shall take. May I remember that my life does not have one single path it was supposed to take, it had a purpose that I was supposed to achieve using my own abilities, personality, experiences, skills and passions.
And when I feel as if I’ve hit a wall in my path, may I remember that nothing is impossible with my God.
Speaking of my God, He understands me so well. But times will come when I think whatever He has laid for me is not exactly what I had in mind for myself. May I remember that I didn’t create myself. He did, which means He knows how whatever He is doing with me at any given point in time helps me achieve those plans He has for me. May I also remember that we are in the same team. May my insecurities, mistrust and fears never put limitations to my faith and what God can do for me.
When I need refuge, because for sure troubles shall come, when I need shelter, because storms shall be there, when I need help, because I’m not self sufficient, when I need hope, because I shall lose hope, may I run to Him. He has said that He will protect and answer those who make Him their refuge. And on top of that, that those who put their trust in Him He shall deliver you and put you under His wings, you shall fear not. May I always remember that He has done it before for me. And He is doing it again right now, by giving me this hope I’m talking about right now in the middle of an ending season when I don’t know what next.
And whatever I get to do, may I do it willingly and cheerfully. Life is a journey, there are times I will find things to do that will naturally make me happy or be fun, but others will be mundane and boring. May I remember Mrs. Kamwilu’s words, that happiness comes from within. And that whatever I lay my hands on, even if its sweeping, may I do it as if God is the one coming to walk on that street. May I do all my things, knowing that I’m doing it for my God. May I be faithful with the small, even when everyone around me is grumbling over the same.
And may i never stop learning. Like Dr.Kirubi says, don’t be a stone in the river, that if you cut open after a hundred years, you’ll find no water. Observe and absorb. May I learn from even the smallest of people. And may I apply what I have learnt over the years. May I respect all indiscriminately even when no one does the same. May I stand up for what I believe in even when the world has new normals. May i not cower or be swept away by the fervor of fitting in when it comes to wrong doing. May I stand to be counted among those who God has raised up in this generation.
And to my dreams,
May I never forget you. Should i feel lethargic , may I look at Bikozulu and see how he never looses that inner child in him, which is how he ends up fighting for armrests and observing weird things.
May you still have the capability to give me sleepless nights. May you drive me crazy thinking of how compatible we are.
May you disturb me when I seem too comfortable in a stop over instead of hurrying to make a home in my destination.
May i never forsake you even when I can’t see you clearly. May I always remember you. May you haunt me to death should I dare ignore you.
I have always been a sucker for farewell speeches at the end of a season. But this time round, I just gave myself one. I guess the more you grow ,the more blanket words for everyone stop applying to you. You get specific the higher you move up in life. So this is a farewell speech to Mercy. May she never forget.