How on earth do you summarize a 17yr and 1/2 relationship? Which parts get to be talked about and which ones get left out? How many posts does that relationship deserve? 17 and 1/2? Well, let’s start with this one.
Two months ago I was bailing out on myself. I didn’t think I was ready to face ‘out there’. I didn’t feel like working or interning. I didn’t feel like applying for anything. Or searching for any places to intern or work. I wanted to stay stay in school for sometime. Bury my head in the sand. Some thought i was panicking. Others thought it was some form of phobia of finishing school.
Do you know how much difference two months can make? No? I’ll tell you 1 thing it can change. Perspective.
Now, I’m, ummm…what’s that word for deep intense happiness that words can’t explain but I’ll still try to anyway? Regardless of what awaits me ‘out there’ , what I’m leaving behind is what is important to me right now. They say the past should be left behind, but for once, I want to celebrate the almost only consistent good thing in my life. The 8-4-4 system that I’m finishing in the next one month and a few weeks.
In my entire life, I have worried about thousands of things. But for some reason, I have never beaten myself over what I’ll get in class 8, form 4 or in campus. And that means a lot to me. I worry over almost everything that matters to me. But not for this. I was at peace with the what my brain would produce. But of course all people who cared about me worried. At every point of the way. And for some reason, that worry never penetrated into my brain. Not at once did I have a sleepless night over my end result. And I think the thanks goes to God for that. My first toast goes to never worrying about the end result.
Academics is one of the few things I’ve been confident of myself in. Now, I know there are brighter people out there. God bless you if you are. And all thanks to God for giving me my brains. I wouldn’t ask for more or less. That’s how content I am with the brains I have. I’m sure I haven’t made maximum use of them. The same way I’m sure I wouldn’t use them more or less if I had a second chance.
Speaking of chances, I’m glad this is the only chance I had at academics. Because I enjoyed every piece of the way. It was supposed to be a journey to the destination called ‘out there’. I changed it to a road trip. I have lived 80% of my life studying. Almost 18yrs of my 22yrs. Almost my whole life. I have lived. If I died today, they would say life snatched me before I got to actually live. I would say, I was there, I took the only way out offered by society, and I not only survived, but made it.
What’s success to you? I heard a friend say she thought it was accomplishing your goals. Success to me is tied to happiness and contentment. If you have all the money in the world, but you are not happy or content, you are pretty unsuccessful to me. And on that note, for all who think poor people are happier or more romantic than rich people, your whole life has been a lie. Back to success, I don’t know how many times you have ever looked at yourself and thought of yourself as a success. Or at least as successful. But for me, if there is anything in my life that has been a success, it is my academics. I’m thankful to God plus my parents plus lots of other characters. And I’m happy for myself. I would have used the word proud but proud sounds like I persevered through mountains of problems which I didn’t. Or at least the mountains of then, seem like anthills right now. So yeah, to success. I’m a success.
Farewell 2 coming up soon..