You are not a bad person. In fact your mother’s prayers worked which is why you finished school without any pregnant lady moving in with you in a manner likely to suggest that you are the father of the baby. You even got a job for yourself to add sugar to the injury (or whatever the opposite is for adding salt to the injury). You may have a drink or two one of these fine days, get into trouble some of those other days and even go to church on some of the few remaining days. But all that is proof that you are only human, right?
Being the not so bad person that you are, you do not walk in the counsel of sinners, nor stand in the way of neither sinners nor seat on the seat of the scornful. And above everything, you try and maintain peace in your life. This means you respect others as long as they respect you. You only interact with human beings that are on your highway of life, do not interfere with other people’s affairs and even avoid situations you know can only end in war or disagreements.
This is why you do not understand when she goes to meet him. I mean, how can she be so mean to you? Does she not see that you are not a bad person? Does she doubt how much you love her? Or is it because he has more money than you have? But she is too weak for him. You can see that and after explaining to her that in all languages that men use except blows and punches, she still does not understand, right?
Maybe you should put it for her in black and white again. This time round she might come around and see the folly of activating a friendship with the guy who broke her heart first. First of all, when you were trying to ingiza her box, she told you that of all men in her life, she loved him the most. Two he introduced her to naughty stuff, the kind only spoken in hush tongues among the adolescent and hash tags for Kenyans on twitter.
Three she even told you the guy is a manipulator. He never lacks women in his life and is a player generally. I mean, how can that not be when she told you of his maneno ya kumtoa nyoka pangoni? You vividly recall that she said if two men are seated next to her and he is one of them, then she would only have ears for him, right? The reasons are many but really, the guy is just bad news but she is too naive to see that. According to you if left in a closed room together the guy would have his way with her. How can that not be when your girlfriend does not have a brain and cannot make decisions on her own?
Remember you are not a bad person. This is why you will not wish him death. Instead you pray the gods of love to make her see that if she knows seeing him makes you so mad then she will stop seeing him. Remember you think she cannot think on her own about some issues? However, when that does not work, you start wondering which formulas misfortune uses to find its victims. Then you can hack misfortune’s account and list his name in the hit list that is to be conducted sooner rather than later. You even secretly and guiltily find yourself wondering if by any chance his ancestors can find some urgent work for him huko kuzimuni.
However, there are some things that you do not know. Things that you have never bothered to ask yourself. Things that when you ask her she does not answer you truthfully for you ask not to know but out of ill feelings for the guy. There are things she wishes she could take you to him to teach you a lesson or two. Things that make that one meeting they have worth its salt. Things that she remembers and smiles but you also misunderstand that to mean that she is in love with him.
For instance, how many times in your conversations do you remember to tell her that she is beautiful? Obviously not so many. The guy in just one conversation will have told her how she is the most beautiful human in the room that after a while she will even start believing it. He will jokingly take the long route to somewhere ati ndio everyone in the place knows that there is a lucky man in the room. I mean, he has the most beautiful woman besides him.
How many times do you appreciate your woman and tell her that she is amazing? The guy will repeat it until she starts wondering how comes she has never known that being intelligent, beautiful and having a good character are actually rare to find in one woman. Appreciating a woman goes a long way, but you do not know that. You do not understand that when you make a woman feel great for herself the feeling will be reciprocated to you naturally. You do not know that making your woman happy is making yourself happy indirectly.
And the small small tu romantic things, they count a lot those ones. But you always claim that you do not have money and thus you have never bought her even a 30 bob present. What you do not keep in mind, for she has told you so many times, creativity is the key; money is just a bonus in such kind of things. Or do you want to claim that being romantic is a preserve only for the rich? This is why she remembers him standing at the valentine section of the supermarket and without a glint of haya, reading to her two or three cards. Neither did he buy even one. But the message was passed across clearly. But you have never heard of the line “it’s the thought that count”. For you, money has to be there for the thought to be seen.
But let us cut you some slack. I mean, all human beings are not the same. Meaning all men can’t be blessed with the art of keeping the woman next to you happy. Neither can we expect that you accept the fact he is good company. According to you he is like the witch who has control over your woman. He is like the thief that comes to destroy and steal from your relationship. He is simply bad news. But thinking this way does not make you a bad guy, right?
Which is why you will forever be thinking that she is in love with the guy. It has never occurred to you that he actually just like you is a man. A not so bad man. But still not a god just a man. Neither will you ever bother to find out why at his mention she smiles. Nor ever ask yourself how hard it is to put a smile on your woman’s face. Maybe if you stopped concentrating on the tiny black dot in the middle of the white paper you would realize you have been fighting the wrong battle all along. That maybe if her happiness became your priority then you will have won all battles in your relationship with that single blow.